I see myself as a storyteller through paint. My work weaves together two ways of seeing the world: one that seeks resonance between seemingly unrelated narratives, revealing how they echo each other through themes of “desire, attachment, and death”; the other rooted in bodily experience—where sensations and desires aren’t abstract concepts but tangible impulses occurring within the flesh.

I’ve always believed that we don’t first possess pure consciousness then comprehend experience; rather, the body acts first, and experience slowly forms in the folds of sensation and memory. This is precisely why, facing the same world, our understanding and feelings can be drastically different—because we inhabit different bodies, carrying our individual histories. We can never completely reach “the other,” and attempting to define another existence with one’s own language inherently contains a kind of violence. My paintings are therefore merely limited facets of the world outlined through my body, my language, my memories; experience isn’t truth that can be restored to its original form, but fragments constantly reorganized by language and recollection. It’s within these cracks that the warmth carried by love, desire, and death seeps through.

Methodologically, I often begin with “blind contour”—letting my hand follow the guidance of the subconscious with eyes closed. This action, contrary to my instinctive desire for control, creates unstable, trembling lines, also constituting the paradoxical manifestation of desire itself. Subsequently, I engage in a game with these uncontrolled traces: when opening my eyes to face them, I am both creator and interpreter, forced to rebuild order amidst disorder. I use the human form as my primary expressive vehicle, exploring misalignment and contradiction in self-perception by distorting and deconstructing its shape. These transformations aren’t purely formal techniques but visual presentations of inner conflicts, reflecting the struggle between bodily perception and self-examination.

Color plays a crucial role in my work, serving as metaphorical symbols that transform abstract gazes and internal conflicts into desolate yet calm tones. I enjoy layering colors to reflect the complexity and variability of emotions. These works don’t merely depict reality as I see it but convey an emotional state that’s melancholic yet not despairing. Through the interweaving of colors and distortion of forms, I collectively construct a “veiled figuration” that communicates my exploration of desire, attachment, and the drive toward death.

Therefore, my paintings aren’t meant to provide conclusions but to preserve fragments of experience. They store neglected daily thoughts, residues of desire, echoes of emotion. These fragments, fragile yet persistent, continually remind me: it’s these small, unintegrable feelings that reconnect us to the most authentic human experience.

主题

我的作品来源于我内心深处的矛盾。作为一个带有“不彻底性”的普通人，我用肉体作为媒介，探索爱、欲、死如何在日常经验中留下痕迹。我不试图给观者一个清晰的答案，而是留下那些破碎、拉扯的经验片段，让它们以自己的方式说话。

方法

我喜欢从盲绘（blind contour）开始——闭上眼睛，让手随着无形的冲动自由移动。这些颤抖的线条是我最原始的情绪表达，尚未经过理性的过滤和修饰。当我重新睁开眼睛时，作为一个控制欲很强的人，我发现自己在与本能抗争，这种体验对我格外有趣，我被迫在无序之上重建秩序。随后的创作过程如同一场对话——我在失控与秩序之间徘徊，不断地放手又收紧，直到画面找到某种微妙的平衡。这正映照了我”普通人的不彻底性”——渴望突破，却被恐惧与规训牵制，只能在放任与收紧之间摇摆。

图像与色彩

我的画面常有两层并置的结构：表层的线条看似清晰有序，却不完全遵循物体本身的轮廓——它们是外界规则、社会期待甚至自我审视甚至是自我内化的大他者的痕迹；而底层那些模糊、低对比度的形象则更接近我内心深处的感受。这两层影像相互交织又始终错位，像是两个世界的叠加。
通过色彩的交织与形态的扭曲，我尝试描绘出构建出”被覆盖的具象”，色彩在其中作为隐喻：因为——市面上是各种叫不出名字的颜色——青不青，灰不灰，黄不黄，只能做背景的，都叫中立色，又叫保护色，又叫文明色，又叫混合色。强烈的颜色虽然有力量，但似乎缺少人性。红色和绿色的强烈对比会产生视觉冲击，但这种冲击力往往大于其启发性。相比之下，淡淡的颜色更能引起共鸣，就像鲜绿和淡粉色之间的微妙对比，更贴近现实。这正是我喜欢并使用这些颜色的原因，既传达出某种压抑与撕裂，又隐约透出一种温暖，荒凉却不至于绝望。这种错位也映射着社会对欲望的克制要求——欲望被塑造成禁忌，而过度的克制最终让生命变得贫瘠。于是我在体面与冲动之间往复，在神经质与优雅之间保持那条颤动却可生存的缝隙。
这种错位像是一面镜子，折射出社会如何塑造我们与欲望的关系——它教会我们将欲望视作需要驯服的野兽，仿佛不加克制就会沦为危险的深渊。讽刺的是，这过度的压抑反而使生命失去了它本该有的丰富与热度。我的创作就存在于这矛盾的夹缝中——一边是外表的得体与秩序，一边是内在的冲动与混乱。我不断在这两极间游走，像走钢丝一般，在神经质与优雅之间找到那条颤抖却仍能呼吸的生存线。

思考

我始终觉得，我们的感知并非从理性开始，而是身体先行动，而意义只是后来在感官与记忆的缝隙中慢慢生长出来的东西。正因如此，即使面对同样的现实，每个人的体验都如此不同——我们栖居在不同的身体里，带着各自的历史与记忆。而这种差异也意味着一种无法避免的绝望：他人无法真正感知我的感受。我的绘画正是这种矛盾状态的呈现——不完美，不彻底，但可能也更真实吧。